Today I turned eighteen."There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." // C.S. Lewis
This seems so crazy to me, that the times of wishing to be adult so you could order things from infomercials (where you had to be eighteen or older to order) is already here. I'm still a child to some, but for me this is a wake up call that life catches up to you quicker then you ever thought possible, and here I've been "wasting" it in a sense.
Tired is one word to describe how I've felt lately. Lack of motivation, no will to do anything above the bare minimum. I literally feel like I'm swimming in an never ending abyss, hardly having anytime to come up to breathe before being swept back under the rolling waves again. It's hard to live when you feel like you're drowning, to live when you feel like you can hardly breathe. It's even harder when you can see everyone else around you breathing fine.
I've always tried to be a positive person, but somehow, I always seem to fall short. There's this sweet girl that I recently got to know better, and her positive attitude is contagious. I asked her how she was so happy all the time, and she answered: "I used to be so worried, so unhappy, feeling like every trouble in the world rested on my shoulder. I decided one day that I wasn't going to be like that anymore, and I asked God to give me a better attitude and to help me. I make a conscious choice everyday to be happy, and pray every morning for God to give me a positive attitude for the day." This struck such a cord in my heart and mind, and made me rethink literally everything about myself. Do I really choose to be this way?
It truly is my own fault that I've been so worn and negative for the past couple of years—and this is a major wake up call. I haven't been seeing all the blessings God has provided for me lately, or noticed His work in my life that has been taking place. It has been endless lately, and yet I haven't thanked Him for everything He has done in the past years for me. He's provided a new job with flexible hours, money to pay for my college tuition, winning different scholarships, and so so much more. Yet, I seem to focus on the negative things happening in my life, and choose to ignore all the good and loveliness that He has blessed me with recently.
So this is me, finally taking a long awaited stand of deciding daily to be positive and happy. To giving myself over to Him honestly and fully, letting Him do with me as He pleases, and starting off my adulthood right. And boy, do I know He has a lot of work to do with this wretched and worn heart. Yet, despite all this, He still calls me beloved! (Something that is still miraculous to me and I'll never fully understand).
I'm asking you to do this with me, to change your life by giving yourself over to Him. Join me in this journey of self-love and discovery, because He'll be holding your hand all the way. This is my step to a new and better me, and I know it will be an amazing testimony to share with others throughout my life later. So, ready to jump on board? It'll be tough, but remember—courage, dear heart. He will always have your back, which is something I still have to remind myself daily of. And man, am I so amazingly grateful that He does no matter how many times I fail.
gabrielle herron xx
